Companions on the Narrow Way
When I first met Kim, I was leading a church called New City Covenant. She visited our church on a Sunday morning looking for a space where she could host a clergy centering prayer group. We said “yes” to hosting these groups, and as I attended, I got to know Kim. At the time, I was in the early stages of awakening to my contemplative orientation, and hanging out with Kim nurtured this part of me. It’d be hard to overstate the importance of her role in my growing contemplative practice.
I was just discovering the Reality of an inner world where deep within me Christ dwells. I was becoming aware that there is this vast expanse full of rich treasures, joyful experiences, and comforting oases, which is accessible to me through prayer. But abiding in this inner world requires me to be in the physical world in a rather peculiar way. It requires a slowed-down attentiveness. It requires an orientation to humble love instead of status-seeking. It requires me to let go of grasping for power and control, praise from peers, and a whole host of other things that are counter-intuitive to me.
Well, when I met Kim, I felt like I was in a wrestling season with God. I was feeling the pull towards this contemplative world, which I deeply longed for, while also feeling a sticky attachment to the physical world in which I wanted to strive and achieve and become great. During this season, I came across a parable that captured the tension I was feeling. I remember how apt this parable felt to me at the time in naming that sense of being caught between two worlds.
The Narrow Way, by Anthony DeMello
God warned the people of an earthquake that would swallow all the waters of the land. The waters that would take their place would make everyone insane.
Only the prophet took God seriously. He carried huge jugs of water to his mountain cave so that he had enough to last him till the day he died.
Sure enough, the earthquake came and the waters vanished and new water filled the streams and lakes and rivers and ponds. A few months later the prophet came down to see what had happened. Everyone had indeed gone mad, and attacked him, for they thought it was he who was insane.
So the prophet went back to his mountain cave, glad for the water he had saved. But as time went by he found his loneliness unbearable. He yearned for human company, so he went down to the plains again. Again he was rejected by the people, for he was so unlike them.
The prophet then succumbed. He threw away the water he had saved, drank the new water, and joined the people in their insanity.
The way to truth is narrow. You always walk alone.
This parable captures the difficulty of being a contemplative. When we start to drink deeply from God’s living water within our inner cave, we will inevitably start to live differently. The “way of the world” seems strange and maybe even a little mad to us. The result is that we feel very lonely. We have something life-giving in our possession, but it can be difficult to abide in this life-giving place because of loneliness.
DeMello’s parable is meant to give greater color to Jesus’s teaching on the Narrow Way.[1] The choice between the narrow way and the broad way is essentially the choice that I was feeling as I was awakening to my contemplative life. Contrary to what we often assume, this isn’t a choice between the hard and difficult narrow way and the easy and pain-free broad way. It’s hard for us to choose the narrow way, but that’s not because it is so difficult. Jesus says his way is easy and light (Matthew 11:28-30). In a largely pedestrian-based society, the difference between a broad path and a narrow one is the amount of foot-traffic on each road. There aren’t enough people walking in the narrow way to beat down a broad path. It’s not avoided because it is challenging. It’s passed by because it’s obscure — so few choose it.
That means the broad way that tempts us is alluring because of its ubiquity. This is the tension I was wrestling with. I had discovered this contemplative life, but I also felt this compulsion to go the broad way. Not surprisingly, the broad way was making me more than a little crazy, but I wanted to choose it because it is normal…everyone is in it together.
On the broad path, there are rankings that pit you against your peers, which is anxiety inducing, but everyone is competing together. We want to choose it because everyone is paying attention to where you and I stand and we long to move up in the world when we get the chance.
On the broad way, some will be crushed trying to succeed, but we keep killing ourselves to get ahead because we are motivated by the few who do make it. Everyone values them. They accumulate rich rewards that make look good in front of others.
On the broad way, there is glory beyond compare if you are gifted and privileged and hard-working. If you achieve on this broad path, you receive awards, honors, and titles.
The broad way may be cutthroat and stress-inducing, but your family will praise you if you excel. Your peers will encourage and affirm you if you make headway on the broad path. Best of all, the whole world is watching those making progress in the very, very difficult and competitive broad path. Everyone is climbing over one another to get ahead, and we celebrate those at the front…those who are first.
I imagine the broad path as something akin to the Boston marathon. It’s actually quite a hard route to run, but there is a sense of accomplishment for completing this difficult race. There are lots of people on this route because everyone wants to prove themselves. You will be ranked based on your performance. There are also throngs of spectators. I ran it and I remember that for 26.2 miles there wasn’t a section without a spectator. The whole way people were cheering the runners on and observing our progress.
By contrast the narrow way is defined by its obscurity – few find it. It’s a way marked by a shocking dearth of spectators. And when no one is watching you make progress in the way, it can feel very, very lonely as DeMello highlights in his parable.
As I look back, I realize that Kim was one of only a few people who was spectating my progress. She helped me walk the narrow way simply by noticing the significance of the progress I was making on this obscure path. I had to journey it alone, but it didn’t feel so lonely. That’s the gift of a companion. She helped to normalize some of the life-choices I was making to nurture my contemplative life that felt “insane” according to the wisdom of the world, because she was a pilgrim on this path too. There were so few people with whom I could talk about this hidden world and remind myself that this hidden world is the ultimate Reality…and that the insanity of the world is unreality.
As my friendship with Kim grew, I started to get to know more of the people associated with Restoration Ministries, and they became these kinds of friends too. When we gather, we collectively pay attention to all the signposts attending the narrow way, which encourages each of us to keep walking in obscurity. Over the last few months, we’ve been gathering together as a collective and a board to discern our identity together. The mission that we’ve coalesced around is this:
To companion people in their contemplative life with Christ.
This is what Kim did with me. She was a contemplative companion with me. It’s simple, but desperately needed. Without companions, we can feel alone in a world that doesn’t function according to contemplative realities. When we are with a contemplative companion, we have a greater confidence that our contemplative life – the hidden world where we dwell with Christ – is the ultimate Reality. It’s more real than power, status, accolades, possessions, comfort, or anything else. And we need companions to help us abide in our contemplative worlds.
I’m so grateful for this ministry. I’m so glad for the contemplative presence Kim and other collective members shared with me. In the coming weeks, I will be stepping into more active leadership at Restoration Ministries, and I’m eager to continue to offer ministries that share this contemplative presence with others in need of a companion.
[1] “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” ~Matthew 7:13-14, NIV