Following a Presence
Jesus says to each of us, “follow me.” But have you ever wondered what that means, specifically? I often turn to God for guidance, but I find following God isn’t like following turn-by-turn instructions. If we ask for guidance about which house to buy, whether or not to switch jobs, or whom to marry, we may not get as clear of an answer as we would like.
In the Old Testament, one example of God leading his people occurred in the wilderness. He led them by a pillar of cloud and a pillar of fire. My experience is that these two substances represent well how we encounter God as he leads us.
In the cloud, there is darkness. God is right in our midst, but none of our questions are answered. You know you are in the Lord’s presence, but everything feels foggy. The cloud may envelop us or we may be seperate from it. When God’s presence is surrounding us on every side, we may feel awe and like we are on holy ground, but this same presence clouds our sight of the world around us. I find that I long to grab hold of God or God’s guiding hand, but in the cloud, I cannot. No matter how hard you try to firmly grasp God’s guiding presence, He cannot be held. If the cloud is up ahead, we may experience a vague sense of comfort that we are on the right path without much clarity about what we should specifically do. In both situations, God’s presence is undeniable and yet there is darkness and sometimes even confusion.
The difficulty comes from the experience of being so confident that God is with us, and yet uncertain about what to do because we are unable to hold him or grasp anything concrete. We cannot embrace him back. We cannot pin him down. He is simultaneously present and absent. In these moments, we take comfort from knowing that God is near and we accept all the unknowing and uncertainty that accompanies his presence.
In the fire, our senses confirm God’s nearness in a different way. He doesn’t envelop us, and we aren’t overwhelmed by his holy presence. However, we notice the positive benefits and blessings of his presence more indirectly. We don’t experience the same conviction of holy encounter, but as he is near us, we feel comforted and confident. When we are near a fire, you feel the warmth; you smell the smoke. When the Lord leads us like a pillar of fire, our senses notice that he is near in similar ways: our heart quickens with anticipation; we are comforted by the warmth of his nearness; your stomach churns with the feelings of young love, and most importantly we have a clarity about what to do. In general, things don’t feel so dark and confusing.
Clarity is the great benefit that comes from the fire. God still isn’t quite telling us what to do, but we see things more clearly by his presence. The light from the flames illuminates everything around us. We see obstacles to avoid, and the choices we must make. It’s as if the flames are behind us illuminating the path in front of us. If we were to turn around, the flames move as we move, always behind us, always illuminating what’s in front of us. And while this makes it impossible for us to experience God in the same awe-inspiring way that we feel in the darkness of the cloud, the flames provide a much needed sense of clarity about what to do. God doesn’t dictate directions but by his presence we are able to see the path before us.
And so it is when we follow God. We can feel enveloped by God’s presence, confident of his nearness, or we can experience the comfort and conviction that comes as the path is lit before us. The nearness of God and his benefits can feel so real. And yet, because we can’t grab hold of God or turn to see him directly, we may still be left wondering:
“Is this God? Am I making this up? Why can’t I pin God down and know for certain that this is the way he is guiding me?”
This is what it feels like to follow God by faith. We follow the fire and the cloud.
At first, living by this sort of faith feels like a giant leap. The first time we make a big life decision based on what we notice from the cloud or the fire we may feel like we are jumping from a cliff with the faintest of hopes that God will catch us. But over time, we learn that God is there. We come to know that his love for us is beyond imagination, and his capacity to be gracious toward us is also greater than we think.
As this trust grows, presence is enough. We don’t need turn-by-turn instructions. We become more comfortable with the uncertainty of it all and then presence is all we want. We don’t mind that we don’t know where to go or what to do. We just want God’s presence with us. The murky, misty unknowing of the Lord’s presence is deeply comforting. The deep burning sense in our hearts that God’s love is near is also so wonderful, so sufficient. It’s okay that we don’t know quite how things will turn out. We know God is with us and that he cares for us deeply. Our experience of presence is the way God guides us as we seek to follow him.